An Inspiring Moment

The other day I had an inspiring morning. It was a day off from work. As far as lyric writing is concerned, I was in a bit of a dry spell. For a couple of weeks it seemed that all I could come up with was a few lines here and there that didn't make much sense or couldn't be connected. They were metaphors that had no meaning, useless lines that were desperate to send a powerful message.

Suddenly in that particular moment, as soon as I woke up, lyrics began flooding my mind. I grabbed the nearest notebook and began writing them all down. And as I got up and started getting ready for my day, I kept coming back to write more in the notebook.

It was comforting to feel that the dry spell was over and that I would be able to move forward, but something more profound happened. There was a personal issue I had been struggling with for years and I had never been able to write a song about it. I even had trouble journaling about it. I wasn't sure what to say. And at times wasn't even sure how I felt about it. The confusion was so overwhelming and the feelings were so mixed that I felt like there was no point in journaling about it or writing about it in any form. I couldn't understand it and felt silly trying to communicate something that was so confusing and nauseating to me. For years, I could not put this struggle into words. I could not communicate in any form through language what I had been dealing with and what I had been thinking about. Suddenly the words were coming to my mind so fast I could barely keep up as I tried to write them all down. And as I looked over what I had written, it wasn't a mess. It wasn't a bunch of useless words that needed to be editted over and over again. It was exactly what I wanted to say, exactly what I had been feeling.

The mind works in strange ways. I had been feeling those things for years. Why could I never express them in words before a few days ago? And when the words did come to me, why did they come so quickly and so suddenly? How is it that I could have put so much time and focus into trying to write a song about this and nothing useful came to me until I had just woken up and hadn't even started thinking about writing anything for the day yet? I do not understand how this happened and I do not know why it happened so suddenly, but I am grateful that it did. As quickly as the lyrics came and as quickly as my private silence was broken, I feel like I am finally, and suddenly, beginning to heal.

Maybe I did or said something and my mind just clicked, putting all of those thoughts and feelings into perspective without my realizing it. The rest of me still felt overwhelmed by the situation and my subconscious was busy preparing me to heal. I had no idea this was coming, but finally being able to put this struggle and pain into words in a way that makes sense and communicates exactly what I think of all of this has lifted such a heavy burden from me. I feel that other songs I haven't even shared with anyone yet have helped me heal or feel better, but this was special. This was something more profound. It didn't just improve my mood or give me a more positive perspective on a difficult situation. It took something that had been so frustrating, painful, and confusing to me and helped me break it down and see it for what it is. And if I had not reached this point I would still have no idea how to overcome this. I still don't know exactly what to do and I don't have all the answers, but now I know how to take a step in the right direction and that's a hell of a lot better than staying where I was.

The lyrics for this particular song are not finished. I don't have any editting to do, but I would like to add a little bit more to what I have. I have no intention of changing a single word I have written for this. It is exactly what I wanted. I don't know why it was trapped inside me for so long, but now it's free and now I feel free. I don't know how this happened, but it is a moment I will treasure for a very long time.

~Eliza